Boneheads Musicians Recording

The drifter

I’m painting one of my soundrooms. I’m on top of a ladder covered with paint. A “walk in” client suddenly appears. (I don’t have walk ins…) He’s interested in recording. I say when do you want to record and he says “now.”

Well ok then. Let me clean the paint off my face…. So I ask him what kind of project we are about to start on. He’s going to sing. Great, so I ask him what music he’s going to sing to… “I don’t need music.” He says.

I ask “so you’re going to sing with no music, just acappella?” ….Yes.

DUDE IS TONE DEAF. After “singing” for an hour in the most sour, out of tune fashion he asks if I have a guitar.

“I’ve got a strat here, but no amp” I say

He’s cool with that, doesn’t need an amp so we plug the fucker right in! I hand him a tuner.. He hands it back to me “I don’t need that, I have perfect pitch. I’ll tune it myself.”

He definitely doesn’t have perfect pitch. In fact he has NO pitch. So he takes the guitar and doesn’t even tune it. He then has me roll tape and he starts to pluck the strings and put his fingers in random positions on the frets of the guitar! HE DOESN’T PLAY THE GUITAR! We lay down a tune of guitar and vocals.

I mix the tunes and make a master. At that point I inform him of his bill. He asks me if he could bring the bucks by later and I say “sure.” (I figure as long as this guy owes me money, he’ll never come back). So I let the guy go with his master in hand, without paying a dime. I watched him leave and he had no car. He just walked down the street… I picked up the paint brush and start painting again.