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Graphic EQ Catalog Setting

There’s a strip club in town that used to be one of the best spots for local music. When local music died, they turned to strippers. You have to pay the bills somehow.

One time my band was playing a gig with one other band at this club. We were having a terrible time with the sound man and the PA sounded awful. I finally decided to invade the soundman’s territory and see if I could make the PA sound any better.

The mains just sounded strange. I looked at the console and it looked OK. I found my way to the graphic EQ that controlled the mains and I found the problem. The EQ didn’t look anything like it should have. Many of the 31 frequencies were boosted that I’d never dream of boosting. Many were cut that obviously from the sound of it needed to be boosted. The EQ did look very “pretty” though. The knobs were neatly arranged in kind of an ocean wave line. When I went to set all the sliders to a better sounding setting, the soundman threw a fit and wouldn’t let me touch it.

It was at that point that I looked down at the magazine this bonehead sound man was reading. The mag was a typical audio or guitar player magazine type. It was opened to an advertisement for the exact EQ this sound man had installed! I then figured it all out. The advertisement had a really neat picture of this EQ and they had arranged all the 31 sliders in a very attractive line that looked like….an ocean wave.

So rather than knowing anything about sound and how to adjust it. This moron of a sound man put the sliders on his new EQ just like the ad in the magazine.

2 replies on “Graphic EQ Catalog Setting”

Any chance the name of that club would feature an animal, either a deceased or insane one?

We played a strip club and their sound gear was broken. I told the security kid that the manager hadn’t said anything to us about sound, so we had planned to bring our own, so we wouldn’t need theirs. The kid called the guy who was going to come repair the system that night to tell him not to bother coming in that night.

3 hours of awesome show later, the manager hands us $35, telling us that’s our cut (we were supposed to get $5 a head). Nearly an hour of arguing later, we leave because he refuses to show us the door count (I’m not sure how we only got paid for 7 people when there were more than 40 people there for much of the night), and also refuses to give us the $50 he paid the “sound man,” even after we inform his dumb ass that we didn’t use their sound system, and that the sound man did exactly NOTHING for us, and who the hell is the sound man anyway? He tells us that the sound man was downstairs in the titty bar most of the night, and he figured that the guy had set us up and didn’t need to be there the whole time.

We will never play that club again, obviously.

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