I got a sad call today from the son of one of my clients, informing me of his father’s death. I just did a little work for this client about 3 weeks ago. He told me of the hard battle he was fighting with inoperable cancer.
He lost the battle…
This is a transcript of the first court hearing between Elektra’s attorneys and a 14 year old kid’s mother. Her home computer had 6 songs on it from kaaza which were downloaded illegally. Problem was they don’t really know by who. It may have been the kid’s friend.
Link: http://www.prosoundblog.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=352#352
Good God. Now rappers have an “instrument” they can put in their hand like a gun so they can control scratching, lighting, midi sounds and more. This device can be “intuitively” used? So it’s intuitive for a rapper to be holding a gun shaped device? No wonder I’m sick of this business.
midiGun 1.0
“The ‘midiGun’ is a novel handheld midi controller. This gunshaped interface was especially designed to remotely control realtime music softwares like Ableton LIVE, Traktor DJ or others.
The ‘midiGun’ replaces the classical DJ mixer and the keyboard at the same time. The ‘midiGun’ is a new kind of device that can be intuitively used because of its handy shape and easy accessible knobs, buttons and sensors.”
I’ve heard thousands of original lyrics from musicians you’ve never heard of and never will. There are tons of terrible lyric writers out there let me tell you. But sometimes the material some clients create is absolute magic.
Here’s the chorus from song one of my genius client’s album:
“People suck
They suck poo poo
People suck
They suck doggy doo doo”
Absolutely amazing.
Now here’s the chorus from song two of my genius client’s album:
“I wish I was dumb
I wish my brain was numb
Then I’d be happy
Then I’d be havin’ fun”
I’m in complete awe of the incredible literary and lyrical genius I’ve witnessed.
How about this stellar verse from a group of Italian rappers. Yes, Italian rappers.
“Oh mamma mia
My mouth’s got diarrhea
Gonna burn baby burn
Like a dick with gonorrea”
Wow. Amazing.
So yesterday I bought a new Apple Powerbook G4 17″ laptop. I’ve been so damn busy this week I haven’t even had time to play with it. All I’ve had time to do is upgrade to the operating system I wanted in there.
So this client comes in and we’re discussing his project. Meanwhile he is letting his “curious” 2 year old son wander around my studio. I thought I’d give the kid something to keep him from getting bored so I gave him a golf ball to play with. He just started throwing it at my gear so that didn’t do the trick.
Suddenly I hear this big thud. I turn around to find this little unattended tyrant has dropped my f’ing laptop on the ground. Call me crazy, but I like to own my laptops at least 22 hours before they’re dropped on the ground.
Memo to clients: I don’t think you could afford to buy me a new $2,700 laptop. So watch your friggin’ kids and keep their grubby hands off my gear.
I have a client that comes to me exactly two times per year with some duplication work. He’s like clockwork and always prepays in cash. Just the kind of client I need.
He came in last week and I got him taken care of. But when he came in to pick his stuff up he informed me that he was moving to LA in 3 days. The short story is that he broke up with his girlfriend of several years earlier that morning, and therefore was moving to LA. Seems strange. This poor guy has wanted to move there forever but his girlfriend had other plans I guess.
The more I learn about musicians, the less I understand about the human race.
I was talking to a vendor of mine today and he said the funniest thing. He’d just had some kind of surgery and was frustrated because he wasn’t healing as fast as he wanted.
His doctor told him: “Be patient.”
Our singer/guitar player is quite entertaining. From his brash comments to boneheads in the crowd that almost get him beat up, to cracking Yoko Ono jokes, you never know what to expect. That’s why I like playing gigs with this band.
One night we’re in a very crowded club. The guitar player has his new wireless transmitter so he doesn’t get tangled up in his cables on stage. We’re in the middle of some song when he announces that he’s going to go to the bathroom while playing his guitar solo.
So he jumps off the stage and walks right out of the room while soloing. You can still hear him but now you can’t see him as he’s presumably at the urinal. Then there’s a terrible static electricity noise and his guitar stops playing. Seconds later he comes back in the room with his hair sticking straight up (what’s left of it).
Turns out that his guitar strings were not clipped off and he accidentally somehow stuck his strings in the wall socket in the bathroom. The end of his guitar was all blackened and the dude nearly electrocuted himself and his peepee.
Liquid Ass is a stink spray in which the maker says has an authentic “butt crack smell.” My first thought is “damn I’m glad it’s authentic. I’d hate to have an inauthentic butt crack smell.” Then I thought “how would one know it is authentic, unless one knows first hand what an authentic butt crack smells like?” I digress…
This would be a useful spray for the studio after one of those all night sessions when we need to “freshen” up things a little.
Liquid Ass would also be perfect for covering up the odors in the “band van.”
Perhaps the best use might be for masking some of the odors coming from the band’s groupies….
Remember this post where God’s check bounced and the stupid bank lost the copy of it?
Well, the bank did some kind of “special” transaction so that they could redeposit the check. And guess what? God apparently made a deposit because the check cleared this time.
I guess God was running a little thin between paychecks…