Pro Sound Blog

Rants of a professional drummer and recording engineer.

February 18, 2005

Coming Soon… Version 2.6.1.2.2.5.9.2

Version 2.6.1 of my to-do blog list:

*The Used gets beaten off the stage
*Coke Addict Door Man
*Oh the poor kitty
*RTFM…The Right FM
*And they charge $150 an hour? -DONE
*The Ladies Toilet -DONE
*Golf equipment in lieu of payment
*How to get a record deal -DONE
*My buddy’s Stolen Keyboard
*Graphic EQ Catalog Setting -DONE
*Total Bitch Who Turns Out To Be An Inlaw
*WTF Is A Boing Box?
*Locking Bridge
*Broken Steve Vai Guitar
*Christmas Party Gig
*Shaman Princess
*Guitar Case Sale
*Mouthing off to the club owner
*1 Song & Done
*Some chick’s visa card -DONE
*Uhh, where did the bass player go?
*Rickenbacker 12 string issue
*The Turf Club is the coolest place
*White to rap conversion
*Are you telling me I torched a $15,000 kit?
*Bag the female singer
*Shocking gig in Sun Valley
*Shocking bathroom incident
*There goes the moose head!
*Speaking of moose: Singer hits moose
*Hole in the stage
*Dumbass Metal Guitar Player
*Opening for The Romantics (power problems)
*Someone had sex on our stage and we didn’t know it?
*Here’s a drum stick in your eye
*Fell off the drum riser
*Surprise beer glass modification
*Contributing to the delinquency of a minor
*Opening for The Fixx
*Opening for Flock Of Seaguls
*Opening for Jerry Lee Lewis
*The freak duplicator?
*The best female singer I recorded is a….zone girl?
*The 2nd best female singer I recorded is a…..stripper?
*The band that wouldn’t get off the stage…voluntarily. (Don’t mess with the golden glove boxer part 2)
*The tour (the radio show with 3 video cameras which don’t broadcast anything?)
*Point that video camera straigt into a spotlight, great dumbass
*Band accomodations & crack house all in one
*Dude steals chair and nearly causes a natural gas explosion
*Wedding gigs: Is anyone really paying attention?
*Late for a crappy gig
*Don’t piss off the golden glove boxer
*To the asshole who stole my hardware case
*X
*When naked ladies are running around, why do they blame me?
*Studio poltergiest that scares the hell out of me…really. The scariest, creepiest studio story ever.
*Two gigs in three hours, 350 miles apart?
*Bam bam
*$5 bounced check (from a client)

Racks at unexpected gig

Strange day. I get a phone call at about 4pm to inform me I HAVE A GIG TONIGHT. Great, thanks for the notice. At about 9pm I’m lounging around my living room in my flanel PJ’s and I almost completely forgot the gig. I got dressed, threw my kit in the car and headed to the show.

Upon arrival I grabbed some of my kit and hauled it in. I ran into a (very beautiful) old female acquaintance who was looking stunning. We chatted for a while and it was very difficult to not notice her……..ok ok….her huge rack. I’m sorry.

I head out the front door to get the rest of my gear and the door guy comments that it took me a while to come back for my 2nd load. I informed him that I was “distracted” by this beautiful woman and her……rack. I load the rest of my kit in and the door guy comes up to me and looks around to make sure no one is listening. He motions for me to follow him. He leads me to his computer where he is surfing to some web site. When he gets to the right page, there she is! The beautiful woman I was talking to. Not only that, she’s topless! The rest of the evening I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face when I looked at her.

That wasn’t the only rack. There were very many oversized racks tonight. I don’t know if there is a boob-job convention in town or what. Even on the 1st break the guitar player mentioned it so I know it wasn’t just me.

Apparently I was so distracted by the many rack displays that I didn’t even see the big bar fight. This bar fight was started by an obviously horny blonde chick who was making out with several differnt guys in the club. Apparently two of them decided to show their manhood and beat each other up to impress her. That got ‘em all kicked out.

Tonight’s performance was ok, but the guitar player’s amp was blinking out. (what else is new?). Turns out his tubes were loose and falling out. When one would fall out his sound would cut in half. I kept reaching over and pushing his tubes back in with one hand while playing drums with the other.

The only other strange thing was that some morons were trying to climb a steel light pole outside the bar. I had my camera ready for when one of them cracked his head open and spilled his brains on State Street but the morons never fell.. Nighty night.

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I'm a professional drummer, sound engineer and golf freak. Some thoughts that leak out of my cranium end up here. Some material here may not be suitable for children or idiots who don't have a sense of humor.

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