There’s a strip club in town that used to be one of the best spots for local music. When local music died, they turned to strippers. You have to pay the bills somehow.
One time my band was playing a gig with one other band at this club. We were having a terrible time with the sound man and the PA sounded awful. I finally decided to invade the soundman’s territory and see if I could make the PA sound any better.
The mains just sounded strange. I looked at the console and it looked OK. I found my way to the graphic EQ that controlled the mains and I found the problem. The EQ didn’t look anything like it should have. Many of the 31 frequencies were boosted that I’d never dream of boosting. Many were cut that obviously from the sound of it needed to be boosted. The EQ did look very “pretty” though. The knobs were neatly arranged in kind of an ocean wave line. When I went to set all the sliders to a better sounding setting, the soundman threw a fit and wouldn’t let me touch it.
It was at that point that I looked down at the magazine this bonehead sound man was reading. The mag was a typical audio or guitar player magazine type. It was opened to an advertisement for the exact EQ this sound man had installed! I then figured it all out. The advertisement had a really neat picture of this EQ and they had arranged all the 31 sliders in a very attractive line that looked like….an ocean wave.
So rather than knowing anything about sound and how to adjust it. This moron of a sound man put the sliders on his new EQ just like the ad in the magazine.
mediaguru Boneheads, Gear, Gigs, Musicians
There used to be this terrible club my band played at. It was an old porno movie theater. The stage was where the screen used to be and the audience was slanted. There was a pool hall upstairs.
One crappy night we were playing and I started to feel something dripping on my head, down my shirt, in my ear….
On the break I asked the barteder what was above the stage and he informed me that it was the ladies bathroom. Nice. The rock and roll dream is alive.
mediaguru Gigs
Now I’ve heard it all:
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. (AP) - A founding member of Korn is leaving the band to focus on his religious beliefs. “Korn has parted ways with guitarist Brian ‘Head’ Welch, who has chosen Jesus Christ as his savior, and will be dedicating his musical pursuits to that end,” said a statement posted Tuesday on Korn’s Web site.
Welch told The Bakersfield Californian that his decision might be surprising to some. “A lot of people think I’m crazy. I don’t care.”
Welch said he’d become increasingly disenchanted with producing heavy metal music that invokes dark and morbid images.
“Those guys in the band, they’re not bad guys. They’re just a bunch of kids getting marketed how these guys in the big corporate firms want to do,” Welch said. “It makes us look like bad people, but we’re really just a bunch of kids who never had a chance to grow up.”
Korn is working on its eighth album, set for release later this year. The band’s self-titled 1994 debut album sold more than 2 million copies.
mediaguru Boneheads, Musicians
I stood next to this Solid State Logic console yesterday. Unfortunately the console was in a crate and may be in a crate for the next 2 years.
I met an interesting guy who is just like me. He is the owner of this beautiful SSL console. He owns a studio and does CD/DVD duplication just like me. The only difference between me and him is his studio and duplication setup is about 100x bigger than mine. Right now his duplication business is going so crazy that he doesn’t have time to set up his SSL…What a rough problem to have.
mediaguru Gear, Recording
On my last post I talked about my guitar player’s problem with his tubes falling out of his amp at the gig two nights ago.
At last night’s gig he solved the problem by setting his amp up on stage upside down…
mediaguru Boneheads, Gear, Gigs
Version 2.6.1 of my to-do blog list:
*The Used gets beaten off the stage
*Coke Addict Door Man
*Oh the poor kitty
*RTFM…The Right FM
*And they charge $150 an hour? -DONE
*The Ladies Toilet -DONE
*Golf equipment in lieu of payment
*How to get a record deal -DONE
*My buddy’s Stolen Keyboard
*Graphic EQ Catalog Setting -DONE
*Total Bitch Who Turns Out To Be An Inlaw
*WTF Is A Boing Box?
*Locking Bridge
*Broken Steve Vai Guitar
*Christmas Party Gig
*Shaman Princess
*Guitar Case Sale
*Mouthing off to the club owner
*1 Song & Done
*Some chick’s visa card -DONE
*Uhh, where did the bass player go?
*Rickenbacker 12 string issue
*The Turf Club is the coolest place
*White to rap conversion
*Are you telling me I torched a $15,000 kit?
*Bag the female singer
*Shocking gig in Sun Valley
*Shocking bathroom incident
*There goes the moose head!
*Speaking of moose: Singer hits moose
*Hole in the stage
*Dumbass Metal Guitar Player
*Opening for The Romantics (power problems)
*Someone had sex on our stage and we didn’t know it?
*Here’s a drum stick in your eye
*Fell off the drum riser
*Surprise beer glass modification
*Contributing to the delinquency of a minor
*Opening for The Fixx
*Opening for Flock Of Seaguls
*Opening for Jerry Lee Lewis
*The freak duplicator?
*The best female singer I recorded is a….zone girl?
*The 2nd best female singer I recorded is a…..stripper?
*The band that wouldn’t get off the stage…voluntarily. (Don’t mess with the golden glove boxer part 2)
*The tour (the radio show with 3 video cameras which don’t broadcast anything?)
*Point that video camera straigt into a spotlight, great dumbass
*Band accomodations & crack house all in one
*Dude steals chair and nearly causes a natural gas explosion
*Wedding gigs: Is anyone really paying attention?
*Late for a crappy gig
*Don’t piss off the golden glove boxer
*To the asshole who stole my hardware case
*X
*When naked ladies are running around, why do they blame me?
*Studio poltergiest that scares the hell out of me…really. The scariest, creepiest studio story ever.
*Two gigs in three hours, 350 miles apart?
*Bam bam
*$5 bounced check (from a client)
mediaguru Random
Strange day. I get a phone call at about 4pm to inform me I HAVE A GIG TONIGHT. Great, thanks for the notice. At about 9pm I’m lounging around my living room in my flanel PJ’s and I almost completely forgot the gig. I got dressed, threw my kit in the car and headed to the show.
Upon arrival I grabbed some of my kit and hauled it in. I ran into a (very beautiful) old female acquaintance who was looking stunning. We chatted for a while and it was very difficult to not notice her……..ok ok….her huge rack. I’m sorry.
I head out the front door to get the rest of my gear and the door guy comments that it took me a while to come back for my 2nd load. I informed him that I was “distracted” by this beautiful woman and her……rack. I load the rest of my kit in and the door guy comes up to me and looks around to make sure no one is listening. He motions for me to follow him. He leads me to his computer where he is surfing to some web site. When he gets to the right page, there she is! The beautiful woman I was talking to. Not only that, she’s topless! The rest of the evening I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face when I looked at her.
That wasn’t the only rack. There were very many oversized racks tonight. I don’t know if there is a boob-job convention in town or what. Even on the 1st break the guitar player mentioned it so I know it wasn’t just me.
Apparently I was so distracted by the many rack displays that I didn’t even see the big bar fight. This bar fight was started by an obviously horny blonde chick who was making out with several differnt guys in the club. Apparently two of them decided to show their manhood and beat each other up to impress her. That got ‘em all kicked out.
Tonight’s performance was ok, but the guitar player’s amp was blinking out. (what else is new?). Turns out his tubes were loose and falling out. When one would fall out his sound would cut in half. I kept reaching over and pushing his tubes back in with one hand while playing drums with the other.
The only other strange thing was that some morons were trying to climb a steel light pole outside the bar. I had my camera ready for when one of them cracked his head open and spilled his brains on State Street but the morons never fell.. Nighty night.
mediaguru Gigs
Just an FYI for those of you who are new here. PSB has an entire FORUM section for you to use and enjoy! Please join up and join in!
mediaguru Boneheads, Gear, Gigs, Musicians, Random, Rants, Recording
I’ve been in shock all day. My car registration was seriously overdue. I’ve been running from the cops avoiding an expired registration ticket.
I finally decide today is the day I’ll brave the long lines and pain in the ass. I go to the local auto shop to have my car inspected and bonus news: I don’t have to because of my newer car year. Cool, no bucks and no waiting for an inspection.
I get to the DMV and right as I walk in the door I get #038. The very second I get my number, the announcement says “Now serving #038.” Man this is great. Is this a dream?
At the desk I’m anticipating about a $300 bill and when I get the invoice it’s for $148!!! I’ve been flying high all day!
That is the one and only positive DMV experience I’ve ever had.
mediaguru Random